I have to be blunt: New Year’s Resolution stuffs are too mainstream. That’s much of a fad for the scumbags and phonies (allow me to introduce my mean side). But aye, these so-called I-have-to-change-cos-it’s-new-year and new-year-new-life are meant to all go down the drain. Often, if not always.

So because I deem resolutions as “the thing of the crowd”, I don’t want that. I want to simply talk about what changed before the new year was out of the corner of our eyes. With no filters of pretention and hypocrisy, I want to talk about my personal transformation. After all, we, humans, mostly believe in something that has already transpired, rather than things that are yet envisioned. 

People. They’ve always wanted something realistic, something tangible in realm. So no matter how you try to suffuse them with your honest to goodness approach, they would just not succumb to that. Well, except for the genuine and the pure in heart. Oh, and the brave-hearted too.

In lieu of that reality, I have changed my ways of becoming obsequious to the shenanigans of untrue people. And I say that with conviction. From being thin-skinned who was innocent and servile to almost everyone who doesn’t even deserve an ounce of my respect, I became aware that the world is not for the soft-hearted. With all the selfishness, judgment, pride, and unforgiving nature of people, one should be brave and confident enough to stand their ground. It is the survival of the fittest, ultimately.

I have also learned how to be skeptical of people- that is, not to trust anyone so easily. In this generation where competition, envy, and misdemeanor are rampant, one should not be all-out in giving confidence and trust especially if the people around you are jealous of your own disposition, status, and ideals. 

Experience has taught me to not let anyone look down on me, or trample me down. It is true that we have to be humble. But I believe being meek is different from being stupid and ignorant.

I have also known how to have a self-effacing attitude, that I don’t have to brag about what I have, but let my triumph tell others of my perseverance and courage. I have learned when to be silent and when to talk. I have known how to be happy, and sad, and angry, without the risk of jeopardizing my own happiness.

Objectivity is also my new language. I don’t let my emotions get hold of me; I choose when to be affectionate and sympathetic, and when to be authoritative and assertive. It all depends. When the situation goads me to act, I respond according to what I know is the best thing to do. Not according to what is easy to do. Those are two different things.

Mind over matter.

A byword as it may seem, but I have known how to live without the goal of pleasing other people. I say what I need to say, I do what I need to do. If it takes pain to portray love, then so be it. Rather than omitting pain but just showing a masquerade of affection.

I live and let live. I do not meddle with other people’s lives. We’re all grown-ups. We’re supposed to know what are permissible and what are actually beneficial in life. But I still care. Especially if it’s my family, my loved one, and others that I love whom we’re talking about.

Finally and most importantly, I have discovered more of the omnipotence and might of God. Throughout all these years and amidst all of these changes, God remained faithful to me. His grace for me is overflowing, that even if I am not deserving of His love, He still chose to love me. “His kindness has led me to repentance.”

In the process of these changes in me and my life, there’s also one person who has taught me of the things that I now live out. This person is one of the many blessings that I received in the year that went by. This man, who is a man of value, courage, wisdom, and faith, has turned my loneliness into gladness and my incompleteness to fulfillment. He is the man whom God appointed to be my soon-to-be lifetime partner, confidant, brother, and best friend. Without him, I would not realise the things that have now enlightened me. You know it’s you, the love of my life, who has changed me for the better. Thank you for a year of a lifetime. 

All these changes would not be possible because of God, because of Jesus. Change is a painstaking and tedious process, but God assured me that it would all be for the better. I know this transformation will help me view the world as only my temporary home, for my eternal residence is in heaven with the Lord. And yes, everything shall come to pass but the enduring love of the Lord will never end.

Now I have the right to say that I didn’t have a New Year’s Resolution. These resolves were accomplished without my intentions beforehand. Change is spontaneous. Sometimes almost unexpected. Withal, I am grateful and now braver.

Cheers to 2016 and all the years ahead!
© Camille de Pano, 2016

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